I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
