Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
