I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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