when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
