And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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