if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
