I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
