The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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