He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
