I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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