At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
