We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
