She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
