Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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