Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
