make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
