Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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