I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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