it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
