Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
