he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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