just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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