If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Less talking, more tequila
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
