His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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