so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize