i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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