why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
