Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
