You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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