I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
