lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
