I never want to see another naked old woman again.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
