and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
