Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
