I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
