i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
