Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
