my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
