just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize