True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
