Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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