I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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