i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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