Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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