Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
