Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
