So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize