margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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