omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
