I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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