And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
