idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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