I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
