Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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