why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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