So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
