I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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