Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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