All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
