I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
