i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
