hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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