What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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