I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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