I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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