Your mouth is God's brothel.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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