just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
